Why do I still feel like I'm sinking?

Hi,


I've typed out a hundred posts recently but deleted them all because they but sound stupid. I've lived with depression for 20+ years and I still don't understand it one bit. Why can't I deal with problems the same way as others? Why do I hide who I am? Why, even though I'm taking medication do I find some days such a struggle? I am really grateful for it all but I want to feel it like a normal person, not go into meltdown because I'm ashamed I can't keep things tidy, or freak out at the thought of people coming into my home, and go into total free fall when I've missed a bill payment and am terrified at th he though of actually having to deal with it. Why can't I deal with it?


Please help.

I didn't find the right solution from the Internet.

References:
 www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?15371-Why-do-I-still-feel-like-I-m-sinking
Kitchen Equipment Video

 
Thanks